Can't understand why some people don't like me? For 10 solid minutes a day, I'm funny; the other 23 hrs. & 50 minutes I kvetch, what's not to like?
STAND UP COMEDIAN, WRITER, ENTREPRENEUR, RISK-TAKER: TANIA LEWIS
FOUNDED: JANUARY 19-hundred
CAREER: .276 JOKES 1026 LAUGHS 4356 GROANS 1017
YEARS ACTIVE: 2011- PRESENT
TONE: DEAD-PAN MIXED IN WITH SLEEPINESS.
HOME BASE: NEW YORK CITY
HOBBIES: TAKING SHORT WALKS ON LONG BEACHES. PETTING KITTY CATS, AND DOING THINGS THE HARD WAY.
PERFORMANCE PERIMETER: GIGS ALONG THE EAST COAST AND IN-LAND TOO.
STAND UP COMEDIAN, WRITER, ENTREPRENEUR, RISK-TAKER: TANIA LEWIS
FOUNDED: JANUARY 19-hundred
CAREER: .276 JOKES 1026 LAUGHS 4356 GROANS 1017
YEARS ACTIVE: 2011- PRESENT
TONE: DEAD-PAN MIXED IN WITH SLEEPINESS.
HOME BASE: NEW YORK CITY
HOBBIES: TAKING SHORT WALKS ON LONG BEACHES. PETTING KITTY CATS, AND DOING THINGS THE HARD WAY.
PERFORMANCE PERIMETER: GIGS ALONG THE EAST COAST AND IN-LAND TOO.
The Economy is not Getting Better: Gift-giving from Older Men to Hot Young Women is at an All-time Low
New Study shows signs that economy is still suffering. Evidence suggests that gift-giving by older men to hot, younger women has dropped huge percentage points, perhaps as high as 1/3 from before the recession. Offers of weekend getaways and shopping sprees have also decreased significantly in the past few months. A research team from Pensacola State College, conducted a year-long study to verify economic trends.
The study polled over 1,200 women on a monthly basis for 12 months. Participants ranged from ages 18-32, geographically located wherever “hotties” hang out, beaches, salons, backstage at rock shows, and Hip Hop parties.
The study was conducted by mailing volunteers monthly questionnaires. The questionnaires restated the same questions, an example is question number 3 on the questionnaire; “On average, how many 4-star restaurants have you've been to this month?” And question number 15 asks, “How many weekend nights are spent on a sofa watching reruns of Full House?”
Results showed that good-looking women, despite rise in charm, have just not been lavished with expensive trinkets, and bathed with adoring words of appreciation (true expressions of love and admiration) like they have in stronger economic times.
Denise, 19, attends Altoona Community College part-time while picking up an occasional overnight shift at the Handy Dandy convenient store worries, "Things are bad, half my customers haven't gotten overtime in months, my trip to Vegas is coming up and I've only been offered one piece of Bottega Veneta luggage." "Jerry," 51, and father of 4, "Promises to buy me the matching Veneta hand-bag. That's kind of a relief, but if that bag doesn't come with spending money, I’ll have to spend like all of June baby-sitting those brat Vulaski brothers again." Sighs Denise.
According to April 2013 numbers, the amount of presents bought and given are down 12% from last month, totaling 36% drop off from last May, when the study began. "This figure is staggering," says Dr. Dale, head of the 5-member research team at PSC, "The weather gets warmer and men get hornier. At least that's what all the previous scientific literature (Hustler, Penthouse) tells us. This is not looking good for young American women."
Jefferson City's native, Trisha James has not had it too easy these past few months either. James, 22, is the youngest and by far the hottest of 3 pretty sisters. She can't believe her rein of recent bad luck lately. Expected to follow in her older sisters footsteps, she recalls her days at the Capitol Mall with then boyfriend Dewayne Tolleson, 47, "Every Wednesday Dewayne and I would visit Buckle, our favorite shoe store. He would love it when I modeled shoes for him, especially all open-toed sandals, he'd loved the way my toe-nail polish matched my eyes. Now I’m left with so many outfits without the right accessories. I do miss him, he knew how to be so sweet and generous. He lost his job as vice president of Metcalf Bank in Kansas City due to cutbacks, you see. I felt really bad, I didn't think our breakup would reduce him to tears. I didn’t think he should be distracted with a girlfriend. I did promise him that should he land back on his feet he is welcome to reach out to me. And if the timing is right and I haven't met anyone new, I would love to reunite."
Critics of the study claim that the findings were arrived at with a flawed methodology. Many experts suggest that the reality of the economy is quite contrary to what the main focal point of the study suggests. That the economy is by no means stagnating, but actually in a period of upswing.
Economist Edgar Milton, "I've read the results, the numbers match up with the claims, it's the actual methodology I find appalling. The volunteers were mailed the same questionnaire every month of the 12-months. Some of the
comments left by the women stated, that they just copied and pasted their responses from the prior month. Perhaps if they showed their admirers they were feeling neglected, they would in turn be well compensated.
And in December, the questionnaires were mailed right after Christmas, the time when many boyfriends might be attending to their financial responsibility elsewhere."
Despite critics, the PSC research team intends to submit their findings in Washington D.C. for a peer-review conference next month. When asked about the criticism, Dale says, "It’s to be expected, but hey, we already got hotel reservations, we got a cooler, and I just spent like the last 2 weekends updating my iPod with my favorite Meatloaf, Steppenwolf albums, and my new 4-volume compilation of 80’s hard-rock ballads, for this road trip. If they find that our study can’t be validated, fuck it!” As a side note, it has been brought to this reporters' attention (*source withheld) Mr. Milton just paid for his girlfriend's rent, for the previous 6 months. Apparently, it seems that his 27 year-old girlfriend of 4 years was laid off from her job last September and was almost evicted from her 2 bedroom, sky rise luxury apartment.
New Study shows signs that economy is still suffering. Evidence suggests that gift-giving by older men to hot, younger women has dropped huge percentage points, perhaps as high as 1/3 from before the recession. Offers of weekend getaways and shopping sprees have also decreased significantly in the past few months. A research team from Pensacola State College, conducted a year-long study to verify economic trends.
The study polled over 1,200 women on a monthly basis for 12 months. Participants ranged from ages 18-32, geographically located wherever “hotties” hang out, beaches, salons, backstage at rock shows, and Hip Hop parties.
The study was conducted by mailing volunteers monthly questionnaires. The questionnaires restated the same questions, an example is question number 3 on the questionnaire; “On average, how many 4-star restaurants have you've been to this month?” And question number 15 asks, “How many weekend nights are spent on a sofa watching reruns of Full House?”
Results showed that good-looking women, despite rise in charm, have just not been lavished with expensive trinkets, and bathed with adoring words of appreciation (true expressions of love and admiration) like they have in stronger economic times.
Denise, 19, attends Altoona Community College part-time while picking up an occasional overnight shift at the Handy Dandy convenient store worries, "Things are bad, half my customers haven't gotten overtime in months, my trip to Vegas is coming up and I've only been offered one piece of Bottega Veneta luggage." "Jerry," 51, and father of 4, "Promises to buy me the matching Veneta hand-bag. That's kind of a relief, but if that bag doesn't come with spending money, I’ll have to spend like all of June baby-sitting those brat Vulaski brothers again." Sighs Denise.
According to April 2013 numbers, the amount of presents bought and given are down 12% from last month, totaling 36% drop off from last May, when the study began. "This figure is staggering," says Dr. Dale, head of the 5-member research team at PSC, "The weather gets warmer and men get hornier. At least that's what all the previous scientific literature (Hustler, Penthouse) tells us. This is not looking good for young American women."
Jefferson City's native, Trisha James has not had it too easy these past few months either. James, 22, is the youngest and by far the hottest of 3 pretty sisters. She can't believe her rein of recent bad luck lately. Expected to follow in her older sisters footsteps, she recalls her days at the Capitol Mall with then boyfriend Dewayne Tolleson, 47, "Every Wednesday Dewayne and I would visit Buckle, our favorite shoe store. He would love it when I modeled shoes for him, especially all open-toed sandals, he'd loved the way my toe-nail polish matched my eyes. Now I’m left with so many outfits without the right accessories. I do miss him, he knew how to be so sweet and generous. He lost his job as vice president of Metcalf Bank in Kansas City due to cutbacks, you see. I felt really bad, I didn't think our breakup would reduce him to tears. I didn’t think he should be distracted with a girlfriend. I did promise him that should he land back on his feet he is welcome to reach out to me. And if the timing is right and I haven't met anyone new, I would love to reunite."
Critics of the study claim that the findings were arrived at with a flawed methodology. Many experts suggest that the reality of the economy is quite contrary to what the main focal point of the study suggests. That the economy is by no means stagnating, but actually in a period of upswing.
Economist Edgar Milton, "I've read the results, the numbers match up with the claims, it's the actual methodology I find appalling. The volunteers were mailed the same questionnaire every month of the 12-months. Some of the
comments left by the women stated, that they just copied and pasted their responses from the prior month. Perhaps if they showed their admirers they were feeling neglected, they would in turn be well compensated.
And in December, the questionnaires were mailed right after Christmas, the time when many boyfriends might be attending to their financial responsibility elsewhere."
Despite critics, the PSC research team intends to submit their findings in Washington D.C. for a peer-review conference next month. When asked about the criticism, Dale says, "It’s to be expected, but hey, we already got hotel reservations, we got a cooler, and I just spent like the last 2 weekends updating my iPod with my favorite Meatloaf, Steppenwolf albums, and my new 4-volume compilation of 80’s hard-rock ballads, for this road trip. If they find that our study can’t be validated, fuck it!” As a side note, it has been brought to this reporters' attention (*source withheld) Mr. Milton just paid for his girlfriend's rent, for the previous 6 months. Apparently, it seems that his 27 year-old girlfriend of 4 years was laid off from her job last September and was almost evicted from her 2 bedroom, sky rise luxury apartment.
Cloning the Woolly Mammoth: Discoveries of possible DNA samples suggest that hunters have the rare opportunity to annihilate the Mammoth in the 21st century.
Science Daily: New York, NY. Geneticists and Members of The National Hunting Association have formed an alliance to galvanize research and fund one of the greatest feats of the 21st century, to resurrect the Woolly Mammoth, hunt it, and kill it.
This extinct giant coexisted with early humans. It disappeared from its mainland range at the end of the Pleistocene 10,000 years ago, returning briefly in the 20th century to play the role of Big Bird’s “scapegoat” friend Snuffleupagus on PBS’ Sesame Street.
Kenneth Miller, spokesperson and member of The National Hunting Association says, “It is such an exciting time to be alive. I realize how fortunate I am to be among the few of the first modern humans to witness the reemergence of a prehistoric animal. And hopefully, and with God’s blessing, I’ll be chosen to be a member of the elite hunting teams that gets to shoot it.”
The Mammoth most likely “peaced-out” from existence through a combination of climate change and the consequent disappearance of its habitat. Unfortunately, the mammoth was a little over-dressed for the emerging temperate climate. One Mammoth stated, “I can’t speak for all of us, but I always figured it’s important to pack for all occasions, you know, better be safe than sorry. I just didn’t expect the last occasion… to be the end of the ice-age.”
There is some discrepancy on whether humans actually hunted the mammoths. The primitive tools available, probably couldn’t accomplish a car-jacking, let alone the assassination of a 16-foot tall furry elephant with an attitude. Stone tools, arrows, an occasional spear were no match for the shear immensity of the Woollies.
One prehistoric man Gehquew, claims, “I am sick and tired of our descendants selling us out. Sticks and stones may break my brothers’ bones, but against a mammoth an arrowhead is nothing but a lint brush!”
People, most likely, ravaged on the meat of the already deceased corpse (Yuck), and used its bones and tusks for making cave art, more primitive and useless tools, and dwellings. Archaeologists believe that the materials extracted from the corpses was the nascence of sheet rock.
The key to cloning a woolly mammoth may be locked into the Siberian permafrost. In 2012, some Eskimo kid was playing in the warmth of -10 degree Siberian afternoon, when he discovered the body of juvenile mammoth with 30,000 years’ worth of unpaid parking tickets.
“Scientists have already decoded 70% of the woolly mammoth's genome, now if they can get their asses to the grindstone and figure out the remaining 30%, we’ll be in business,” exclaimed, Miller.
Living cells are necessary to engage in the procedure that would produce a baby mammoth, according to Chris Norris (No relation to action film star) senior collection manager for vertebrate paleontology at Yale’s Peabody Museum. Only living cells contain an intact nucleus, complete with the starter kit of woolly mammoth DNA, charger, and batteries.
Such a nucleus can be inserted into a elephant embryo, with a little soft music and Chardonnay— a technique pioneered by a group of Japanese researchers last year (because they already figured out everything else) — and then coaxed into becoming a real, live mammoth clone.
When asked why he feels like cloning the mammoth and then hunting it is important to the human experience, Miller has this to say, “It’s just unfortunate that our species never had the proper technology to take down these imposing beasts thousands of years ago. They are an absolute gold mine and not exactly fast like a lion or tiger-what an easy target. Now we have a complete arsenal of artillery that can get the job done.”
Animal rights activist, Vera Boseman, college freshman, 2012 prom queen, and yearly blood donor is appalled, “how can these scientists make an Elephant want to have another species offspring, it seems like animal rape to me.”
Man with 4th Grade Education wants to Write Children's Books
Columbus, Ohio: Vincent Faranella, 43 year-old brick-layer tells co-worker Bobby Viola on their lunch break yesterday, that despite his lack of formal education, his latest career aspiration is to research and write children's novels.
Stunned by his friends' admission, Viola asks why children's books. Vincent says, "Well, I want to write a children's book because I never read any other kind. And I really think that I understand what kids want. I got to the end of "Where the Wild Things Are," when the kid leaves the island and the mom has his supper waiting for him, and I couldn't help but think that once we close the book that kid is going to get whooping of his life. That book is a classic, way better than these "pussified" Thomas Tank Engine tales, or whatever the "F"....these toddlers are reading."
Vincent has been spending most of his nights and weekends with girlfriend Carol Hollows, a divorce mother of two. He was thumbing around Carol's youngest son's room looking for a new video game to pop into the Play Station, when he came across his favorite Dr. Seuss book, Green Eggs and Ham, "Now, that's poetry."
Faranella continues in conversation, "I want to bring back books like Little Red Riding Hood, now that teaches you about consequence if you get out of line," as he bites on his bologna sandwich. He has also been dreaming up alternate endings or even possible full-length sequels to some of his favorites classics like Hansel and Gretel or Aesop's Fables.
When prompted, Faranella admits that his idea to start writing children's books was always an ambition, but like many of his hair-brain schemes of past, it never quite got off the ground.
For example, one hair-brained idea was to be a pizza topping-themed merry-go-round in the back room of Pete’s (a favorite neighborhood pool hall hang out of Faranella) complete with individual TV screens, bottle openers, and spit buckets. When that didn't turn any heads, he thought of a portable prophylactic lunch truck designed to park outside neighborhood bars at closing time to sell condoms to bar patron hopefuls, called The Roaming Romeo RV. Unfortunately, that fell through when he couldn't get the truck insured.
If Vincent succeeds and jots a few ideas down it'll be a tremendous feat. He is practically illiterate, and lacks the attention span to sit through a 3 minute-commercial interruption, and coupled with his sheer lack of imagination, this reporter awaits to see if Faranella will make good on his latest declaration.
Columbus, Ohio: Vincent Faranella, 43 year-old brick-layer tells co-worker Bobby Viola on their lunch break yesterday, that despite his lack of formal education, his latest career aspiration is to research and write children's novels.
Stunned by his friends' admission, Viola asks why children's books. Vincent says, "Well, I want to write a children's book because I never read any other kind. And I really think that I understand what kids want. I got to the end of "Where the Wild Things Are," when the kid leaves the island and the mom has his supper waiting for him, and I couldn't help but think that once we close the book that kid is going to get whooping of his life. That book is a classic, way better than these "pussified" Thomas Tank Engine tales, or whatever the "F"....these toddlers are reading."
Vincent has been spending most of his nights and weekends with girlfriend Carol Hollows, a divorce mother of two. He was thumbing around Carol's youngest son's room looking for a new video game to pop into the Play Station, when he came across his favorite Dr. Seuss book, Green Eggs and Ham, "Now, that's poetry."
Faranella continues in conversation, "I want to bring back books like Little Red Riding Hood, now that teaches you about consequence if you get out of line," as he bites on his bologna sandwich. He has also been dreaming up alternate endings or even possible full-length sequels to some of his favorites classics like Hansel and Gretel or Aesop's Fables.
When prompted, Faranella admits that his idea to start writing children's books was always an ambition, but like many of his hair-brain schemes of past, it never quite got off the ground.
For example, one hair-brained idea was to be a pizza topping-themed merry-go-round in the back room of Pete’s (a favorite neighborhood pool hall hang out of Faranella) complete with individual TV screens, bottle openers, and spit buckets. When that didn't turn any heads, he thought of a portable prophylactic lunch truck designed to park outside neighborhood bars at closing time to sell condoms to bar patron hopefuls, called The Roaming Romeo RV. Unfortunately, that fell through when he couldn't get the truck insured.
If Vincent succeeds and jots a few ideas down it'll be a tremendous feat. He is practically illiterate, and lacks the attention span to sit through a 3 minute-commercial interruption, and coupled with his sheer lack of imagination, this reporter awaits to see if Faranella will make good on his latest declaration.
Neighborhood Shut-Ins Still Talking about the Rockin’ Good Time They had at Buffalo Wild Wings 2 1/2 Weeks Ago!
Goodlettsville, TN: Melissa Briggs, an office admin for a Davidson’s county medical practice, along with her on again off again boyfriend of 4 years, Ron Fiene, a part-time car audio sales associate at the Goodlettsville Best Buy, and full time gamer, are still bragging about, “A fuckin’ rocking good time we had,” Fiene squeaks, with buddies, getting shit-faced and singing karaoke a few Fridays ago at the local Buffalo Wild Wings.
Joined by Mary Jane and Steve Pickett, Briggs and Fiene hardly find the time to enjoy a wild night out like they used to when they were in their 20’s. Briggs says, “We are just so busy, my full time job and helping out Grannie on the weekends, of course Ronny…well, I can hardly get him away from his gaming buddies. But this time I made it clear, if he doesn’t shape up and start taking me out again, I'll find a good time elsewhere." Stated Melissa. Brigs doesn't make idle threats. Earlier this year she got fed up and dumped Ronny ass to date Cory Piel, a high school graduate and nighttime assistant manager at the grocery chain, Kroger. Fiene was not happy during that time separated from Melissa and promised to try harder if she'd only take him back.
Mary Jane is Melissa’s BFF. Melissa and Mary Jane have a rich history. Melissa planned Mary Jane's bridal shower and held the role of maid of honor at her wedding. The two ladies do all their Black Friday holiday shopping together and as fate would have it, both were engaged to Steve. Briggs and Steve bickered incessantly, broke up amenable, and now enjoy an occasional night out on the town in different social circles.
“I don’t see why I get all the blame, I ask Missy all time if she wants to hang with me and guys, says Ron. But she’s always chatting on the phone, and before you know it, I’m just about beating my last score on Warcraft and the weekend is over. And let’s face it, after the gaming system I bought this winter, investing in my new car rims, and the glass pipe, that I bought for both of us, money is kind of tight.”
Melissa and Mary Jane reserved a table at Buffalo Wild Wings, Ron’s co-worker Reggie, the group's only black friend, along with his Caucasian girlfriend, Deb, convinced everyone to come out because, “My friend is the D.J. this Friday, and he’ll probably set up karaoke,” bragged Reggie. Karaoke on a Friday is usually a no-go, the crowd is usually pretty steady, and not much space for performance. But, with an extra additional party room off to the left, the group can sing the night away.
The following Monday morning, Melissa is thrilled to tell her office mates about the 7 pitchers of beer they had, and how her friend Simone showed up. “I’m proud of her, she’s been 3 months sober, and putting some weight back on. Simone, another of Melissa’s high-school friends, loved to party and had quite an affliction for pills. Her partying took a left turn when she made an illegal turn into the wrong lane of traffic. She was arrested for driving under the influence. They apprehended her from her car, which was neatly parked into a grocery store shopping cart loading zone.
Simone sentenced to a rehab and curfew, and now living back at her parents’ house, is reduced to hanging out with her boring friends. “Hey, I had to get out of the house, and I know Ronny will probably have some weed. I’ll have to show him my nipples, but anything is better than spending another weekend night with my fuckin’ stepdad,” gasps Simone.
Getting off to a slow start, the shut-ins had a difficult time feeling at ease. Nothing a few pitchers of Coors Lights can’t take care of, followed by 3 assorted appetizer trays, and some shots of Jamison.
Reggie started things off with his rendition of the Cars classic, “Whose Gonna Drive You Home” while the gang answered each line with, “Not your wife, she’s shit-faced!” Then the girls got gutsy and sang two numbers, back to back with Bryan Adam’s hit “Heaven” and Whitney’s, “How Will I Know.”
Melissa discusses the night at "Buffalo" with her friend Polly, in the break room at work; “It was awesome. And then wouldn’t ya know, my little cousin shows up with her new guy and their friends, so I buy them a round of kamikaze shots,”
The whole group joined in for a chorus of The Steve Miller Band’s, “The Joker,” right before last call.
After a four-hour drink fest, Reggie and his girl departed, while Melissa, Ron, Steve, and Mary Ann decided to continue the festivities at the Steak and Shake, where they were sure to harass the under paid wait-staff with obnoxious requests to, and I quote, "Have their steaks shaken, not stirred.” And their 'Routy' behavior didn’t stop there, they went crazy by opening all the sugar packets, emptying the contents all over the freshly mopped floor.
The night ended with both couples red-eyed and spent. Right before retiring and going into their respective cars, the group decides to make further plans to save money, and take a road trip to Virginia, for a long weekend this summer, to visit Kings Dominion Theme Park.
Goodlettsville, TN: Melissa Briggs, an office admin for a Davidson’s county medical practice, along with her on again off again boyfriend of 4 years, Ron Fiene, a part-time car audio sales associate at the Goodlettsville Best Buy, and full time gamer, are still bragging about, “A fuckin’ rocking good time we had,” Fiene squeaks, with buddies, getting shit-faced and singing karaoke a few Fridays ago at the local Buffalo Wild Wings.
Joined by Mary Jane and Steve Pickett, Briggs and Fiene hardly find the time to enjoy a wild night out like they used to when they were in their 20’s. Briggs says, “We are just so busy, my full time job and helping out Grannie on the weekends, of course Ronny…well, I can hardly get him away from his gaming buddies. But this time I made it clear, if he doesn’t shape up and start taking me out again, I'll find a good time elsewhere." Stated Melissa. Brigs doesn't make idle threats. Earlier this year she got fed up and dumped Ronny ass to date Cory Piel, a high school graduate and nighttime assistant manager at the grocery chain, Kroger. Fiene was not happy during that time separated from Melissa and promised to try harder if she'd only take him back.
Mary Jane is Melissa’s BFF. Melissa and Mary Jane have a rich history. Melissa planned Mary Jane's bridal shower and held the role of maid of honor at her wedding. The two ladies do all their Black Friday holiday shopping together and as fate would have it, both were engaged to Steve. Briggs and Steve bickered incessantly, broke up amenable, and now enjoy an occasional night out on the town in different social circles.
“I don’t see why I get all the blame, I ask Missy all time if she wants to hang with me and guys, says Ron. But she’s always chatting on the phone, and before you know it, I’m just about beating my last score on Warcraft and the weekend is over. And let’s face it, after the gaming system I bought this winter, investing in my new car rims, and the glass pipe, that I bought for both of us, money is kind of tight.”
Melissa and Mary Jane reserved a table at Buffalo Wild Wings, Ron’s co-worker Reggie, the group's only black friend, along with his Caucasian girlfriend, Deb, convinced everyone to come out because, “My friend is the D.J. this Friday, and he’ll probably set up karaoke,” bragged Reggie. Karaoke on a Friday is usually a no-go, the crowd is usually pretty steady, and not much space for performance. But, with an extra additional party room off to the left, the group can sing the night away.
The following Monday morning, Melissa is thrilled to tell her office mates about the 7 pitchers of beer they had, and how her friend Simone showed up. “I’m proud of her, she’s been 3 months sober, and putting some weight back on. Simone, another of Melissa’s high-school friends, loved to party and had quite an affliction for pills. Her partying took a left turn when she made an illegal turn into the wrong lane of traffic. She was arrested for driving under the influence. They apprehended her from her car, which was neatly parked into a grocery store shopping cart loading zone.
Simone sentenced to a rehab and curfew, and now living back at her parents’ house, is reduced to hanging out with her boring friends. “Hey, I had to get out of the house, and I know Ronny will probably have some weed. I’ll have to show him my nipples, but anything is better than spending another weekend night with my fuckin’ stepdad,” gasps Simone.
Getting off to a slow start, the shut-ins had a difficult time feeling at ease. Nothing a few pitchers of Coors Lights can’t take care of, followed by 3 assorted appetizer trays, and some shots of Jamison.
Reggie started things off with his rendition of the Cars classic, “Whose Gonna Drive You Home” while the gang answered each line with, “Not your wife, she’s shit-faced!” Then the girls got gutsy and sang two numbers, back to back with Bryan Adam’s hit “Heaven” and Whitney’s, “How Will I Know.”
Melissa discusses the night at "Buffalo" with her friend Polly, in the break room at work; “It was awesome. And then wouldn’t ya know, my little cousin shows up with her new guy and their friends, so I buy them a round of kamikaze shots,”
The whole group joined in for a chorus of The Steve Miller Band’s, “The Joker,” right before last call.
After a four-hour drink fest, Reggie and his girl departed, while Melissa, Ron, Steve, and Mary Ann decided to continue the festivities at the Steak and Shake, where they were sure to harass the under paid wait-staff with obnoxious requests to, and I quote, "Have their steaks shaken, not stirred.” And their 'Routy' behavior didn’t stop there, they went crazy by opening all the sugar packets, emptying the contents all over the freshly mopped floor.
The night ended with both couples red-eyed and spent. Right before retiring and going into their respective cars, the group decides to make further plans to save money, and take a road trip to Virginia, for a long weekend this summer, to visit Kings Dominion Theme Park.